Talk by Bart Mendel
December 1998

According to Buddhist logic, we change the world by changing ourselves. In a real way, the world is whatever we project it to be. Thus, it is essential that we change ourselves in order to be of any benefit whatsoever to others. We need clarity to avoid creating harm in the name of propagating our particular brand of truth, whether it is Buddhism or any other view. In the world there is much confusion that is endlessly propagated because few people are willing to take responsibility to eliminate their own anger, desire and confusion so that they can see the world clearly. The best example we can give others is to be clear ourselves. Our state of being affects others far more than what we say.

The practice of tonglen is not like graduating from kindergarten into grade school, as if, having worked on ourselves, we are progressing to work with others. Rather, in tonglen, we are continuing to work with ourselves, but are committing to gradually change our motivation from benefiting ourselves to working for the benefit of others. From the Hinayana path of changing our behavior, we shift to the Mahayana path, working more deeply with our motivation. If we follow the Hinayana path, we cease gross harmful actions to others and ourselves. But Hinayana practice does not fully address our motivation. We can see our negativity, but we need a deeper, stronger tool to uproot it entirely. This comes through the Mahayana path in general and tonglen in particular.

Since we can remember, and since beginningless time, we have been concerned with ourselves. Everything we do revolves around ourselves to a greater or lesser extent. Even if we are committed to service to humanity, still there is the sense that we do so to win the Nobel peace prize or at least to get some kind of acknowledgment, or a certain self image we want to hold of ourselves. It is difficult, and quite unusual in this world for a person to have a reference point other than himself or herself. This tendency to turn everything to our self-centeredness is very deep-rooted and forms the core of ego. It is the most basic stratagem of neurosis--to use everything to confirm oneself. Tonglen practice is like coarse sandpaper that provides friction to reverse that tendency. There is an abrasive contrast between what we are trying to do in our practice to benefit others and the self-centeredness that drives our samsaric lives.

It is important to have a good basis of shamatha-vipashyana practice in order to practice tonglen. Shamatha settles our mind and vipashyana gives us some sense of the transparency or emptiness of our experience--our sense of ourselves as not so dense and solid. It is impossible to do tonglen, to exchange self for other, if there is no gap in our minds. Shamatha and vipashyana create the gap, that spacious quality of mind. Tonglen extends that and works directly on the power of neurosis, that constant inward focus to confirm ourselves.

The more ego-centered we are and the more neurosis we have, the more fuel we have for our practice. There is absolutely nothing that we can’t use in tonglen practice. The more intense our reaction, the better opportunity for practice. On the cushion, this practice is called tonglen; as part of the wider practice, it is called lojong or mind training.

In the Mahayana system of mind training, practice becomes more vast and profound. Practice is not only something we do sitting on our cushion. Our whole life becomes the opportunity to exchange ourselves for others, for our tonglen practice to bleed into our daily life. It is at once a fantastic opportunity to work with neurosis, but also very difficult because it rubs against the core of ego. Tonglen and lojong are difficult because they actually grind the ego down. But we have to be patient. In the beginning the practice is confusing with effects noticed only after time because the habit of our ego is so strong. Clearly we are not going to change that by doing tonglen a few times. But gradually we replace the habit of being self-centered with the much more virtuous and skillful habit of being of benefit to others.

Tonglen is a practical way of working with the Bodhisattva vow. There are two aspects of the Bodhisattva vow: the aspiration to benefit others and the application, to actually work to benefit others. To walk the path, doing the exchange brings benefit to both oneself and others. When we first begin to meditate, we only pretend to meditate and gradually it becomes genuine. In the same way, we begin by pretending to do tonglen and gradually it becomes something that is not artificial but becomes internalized, natural. In the practice we start by imagining we are being of benefit to others and at some point it becomes real.

Tonglen changes our habitual tendencies so that when we enter a situation of negativity, rather than protecting ourselves and pushing it away, we recognize the negativity and open to it. Rather than saying, “This is your fault; I didn’t do anything,” we accept it, we say, “It's mine.” And then respond, “What can I do for you?” Blame no longer matters, which is the point of Mahayana practice. It doesn't matter where the blame originated. If there's negativity, we take it, and if there is benefit or wisdom, we give it away. Then we simply observe our ego’s clamor, “It's not fair. I worked so hard. I'm not being acknowledged.” Tonglen practice does not mean being naive and walking into the middle of a river of aggression and letting it overwhelm us. Rather, it has to do with letting go of ego and actively not avoiding the situations of negativity in our lives. Tonglen is very simple, but very effective.

Tonglen has three parts. Initially we practice in the context of sitting meditation, as part of shamatha-vipashyana practice. After some shamatha meditation, to begin tonglen we experience a flash of openness, ultimate bodhicitta, the unconditioned, awakened mind. It might mean simply letting go and being present, a slight shift where we consciously try to let go for a few seconds. In doing so, we are acknowledging that we have unconditional goodness in us already. We start from unconditional goodness, rather than neurosis.

In the second part, having opened up a bit, we create the texture of giving and taking by working with the breath. As we breathe in, we take in everything negative in the world as heavy and hot, like thick black smoke. Our experience is that we are breathing in the quality and texture of neurosis and ego, our clinging, the cause of suffering. It is claustrophobic and weighty, holding on to ego. Then, as we exhale, we breathe out what is cool, white, light, the antidote to suffering, the quality of awakened mind. The out-breath is letting go, wisdom, accomplishment, well being. This is exactly the opposite of what we do in our daily lives, when we cling to what we want and push away the rest.

We inhale and exhale for some time to establish a pattern and to get accustomed to the black/white environment, stabilizing the exchange on the medium of the breath. If we are able to do the breathing exchange and rest our minds in that practice, natural associations begin to arise in our minds based on daily life. We begin to work with what is occurring in life rather than imagining the exchange. This is the third part of the practice where we take the black/white exchange and apply it to whatever is arising in our mind. We begin working with specific situations that come up in our mind, for example, we can bring to mind someone we know who is in a lot of pain, sick, dying, or a helpless child. This will naturally arise; we needn’t dig too deeply. We breathe in their pain, visualizing it as black and breathe out whatever is light, freedom from pain, or peace. We start with something for which we feel natural compassion and empathy. Then we expand it to include the pain of all beings who suffer in that particular way, then finally to all sentient beings. It is important to work with both the personal and the universal, and to go back and forth between them.

This is a heart practice so it is neither necessary nor helpful to analyze. When we are breathing in suffering and breathing out freedom from suffering, it is not limited to our nostrils but can be experienced as coming in through our pores, from all around us. It is an environmental experience. As we practice, we realize that we have a great resource to breathe out to the world. It is a relief. We eventually find that we feel overwhelmed if we are focusing on ourselves. The more we loosen up and detach from our self-focus, our ego identification, the less overwhelmed we feel in life and the less we suffer. So in this way, tonglen practice benefits both others and ourselves.

After meditation we continue the sense of exchange, just as we continue the sense of mindfulness and awareness after shamatha practice. We do not need to do the actual breathing technique, but we carry the openness and presence of mind. In post-meditation practice, we continue with lojong, or mind training. It becomes the ideal practice for every moment of life.